12 movies that explain why i’m like this

to be completely honest, i don’t use letterboxd, have no formal qualifications whatsoever, and yet somehow remain unwilling to keep my movie opinions to myself.

i had just watched a film that finally completed my all-time top 12, and because this revelation felt spiritually important, my first instinct was to announce it on my blog that literally no one reads 🤠

these 12 films reveal the particular brand of psychological dysfunction i enjoy, so you know, do with that information what you will.

i’m listing them in no particular order. except for the last one. that one sits on a throne. that one is king.

#12: Inglourious Basterds

poster via this link. i own nothing except my opinion

we’re starting with a quentin tarantino film because peak cinema starts here. i’m sorry to announce that every other opening scene is now mid. actually, that is a lie. christopher nolan’s tenet remains a respectable contender. but come on. the opening of this movie could win an oscar for ‘best portrayal of anxiety’ using nothing but great acting, atmospheric dread, and a glass of milk—all BEFORE the plot even starts.

so if you ever have to watch one movie scene that delivers exactly what a good film should evoke in a human body—fear, awe, dread, fascination—just watch the opening scene and you’ll feel your heartbeat in parts of your body that shouldn’t have heartbeats.

christoph waltz is insane in this role. i will never forget the way he says “monsieur lapadite…” like he’s politely peeling your skin off. that line haunts me at random times and will probably be among my final thoughts on my deathbed.

watch it once for yourself. recommend it to your friends, your enemies, then pass it down to your children as the standard for what great cinema should look like.

#11: Perfect Blue

image sourced from this corner of the internet

this one is very, very special to me because i watched it completely blind. i had no idea what it was about, had never seen a trailer, and somehow ended up watching it alone at midnight in an old vancouver theatre—and i mean theatre-theatre, meaning it was built for live stage plays with rows of red velvet seats, enormous curtains framing the screen, and an atmosphere so perfectly suited to the movie that the place itself felt part of the film.

i genuinely could not have designed a better viewing experience. imagine watching an old movie at midnight in an actual theatre. it was exactly the kind of experience that ruined regular movie theatres for me afterward.

i spent the next hour and 22 minutes watching reality repeatedly fold in on itself. the movie was twisty, disturbing, deeply dark, and exactly the kind of psychological nightmare i voluntarily subject myself for entertainment. i walked in knowing absolutely nothing and left feeling deeply unsure whether i had watched the movie or the movie had watched me.

also, do not let the fact that it is an animation put you off. this remains one of those movies i would recommend to absolutely anyone. you could ask me what time it is, and i would probably tell you it’s time to watch perfect blue.

#10: God’s Crooked Lines

image courtesy of the film gods and this site

would you believe me if i told you there is a movie so outrageously good that looking away for even half a second feels physically impossible?

well, apparently somebody made one, and it is called god’s crooked lines.

this is not an english language film, and frankly, that should already tell you it is about to be good.

watching this movie felt like my brain briefly achieved a higher form of consciousness. the storytelling. the pacing. the time jumps arrived at exactly the right moments. and our main character was so intelligent and convincing that she’s probably the inspiration for ‘gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss’.

the movie never gives you enough time to settle into one explanation before it hands you another possibility. i spent the entire runtime mentally rearranging evidence, changing sides, distrusting everyone, trusting them again, and developing an increasingly personal need to know who the fuck is telling the truth.

whoever wrote this deserves green lights at every intersection.

i would erase my memory just to experience it again/10